Growing up as the youngest of three, I was the last to learn to ride a bike, roller skate (which I gave up altogether since I was so klutzy), play checkers, backgammon and most other games. And although I loved playing with my older siblings and sometimes they showed mercy on me, I pretty much got creamed every time we played a game.
My parents showed me a great deal of compassion. When I was too young to understand the concept of Monopoly, with their help, they let me be the banker (I still like being in charge of the money). Whenever we arm-wrestled, played checkers or Go Fish, they let me win most of the time. I still remember that incredible feeling when I won. It felt good.
The desire to win never goes away, but it does take a certain personality to give up always having to win. A close friend, with children of his own, confided in me that when he was a boy, his father never let him win at any game. Not once. It was a memory that he still carried.
Victories, real or imagined, mean so much to a child, and can help build the confidence to continue playing the game. So with our own kids, we let them win…a lot. Their squeals of delight and the smiles on their faces were better than us winning any day. As they got older we didn’t let them win every game. We slowly began to challenge them. By the time they were teens, we could play without holding anything back. Now they cream us fair and square. And it feels good.
14 Comments
Mine think they win even when they didn’t, really.
I can’t even imagine the message it sends to a kid who can never win against a parent, even once in a while. I think winning is good for self-esteem! Great piece, great message!
I love this. I love watching my kids light up when they win a game – even if it KILLED me to throw th game
hee hee!
Who doesn’t let their kid win, at least sometimes?! Yikes. Great points all. I look forward eagerly to creaming my kids fair and square one day.
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I’m with you, Linda. Let them win to give them confidence when they are younger and then sit back and be proud when they beat you for real!! And that happened very naturally in my house. Hard to beat them now!
I still throw a tantrum if I don’t win. My poor kids are out of luck – they’ll never see a game off me. You’re a better mother than I am.
My dad let me win when we “raced” and I think he may have “lost” a Monopoly game or two. I’m so glad I didn’t have one of those parents who tried to cream me. Childhood is hard enough!
I think giving kids the chance to win is important, but they also have to learn how to be “good sports.” In life, no one wins all the time.
So true, Donna! They need to learn how to win and lose gracefully.
As you said, allowing kids to win now and again is important not only for building self-confidence but it gives them a sense of power and control in a world where they otherwise have to play by everyone else’s rules. Also, your post underscores the importance of play as a family.
Thank you for all your comments!
This is one of the toughest lessons of being a parent. My now 8 yo is super competitive, and let’s just say that on occasion he NEEDED to lose. Then he played on a travel soccer team where they played up a year, meaning that they played against all teams a year older. His team lost every single game that season. It was really hard for him but now he understands that even though losing sometimes stinks, you will survive it and you can even learn from it. That said, the following season when his team started winning it sure felt great!
Jessica, your son has had a great lesson. Glad this season is going well.