I’m not just another ordinary Tooth Fairy. I don’t just slip cash under kids’ pillows. I also pull teeth. My kids’ teeth and even their friends’ teeth. Moms love this, as I save them a small fortune in dentist bills.

I come from a long line of tooth pulling Tooth Fairies. And I can say with great pride, my mother taught me everything I needed to know. She was a big fan of tying one end of a string around my tooth and the other end around a doorknob, which my brother would then slam, while my sister stood and watched. It never really worked, because I would run towards the door. So, she would move on to something less sadistic, like pliers.

I never realized the profound affect that had on me, until I had children of my own, and found I couldn’t wait to pull out their wiggly baby teeth. But, instead of using pliers to loosen or grasp, I used gauze and tweezers. I’d like to think that I really perfected the technique and took it to a whole new level. I had a high success rate.

I retired several years ago, but back in the day a shiny tooth that wiggled itself out with the push of a tongue would be worth $1. A visit to the dentist and a nasty shot of Novocain, earned $5 and an iced decaf mochachino. As my kids got older, they figured out I was the Tooth Fairy (against my bitter protests), but went along with it anyway. They liked the cash.

Tips for pulling wiggly teeth:

1. Get a bucket for the blood (Just kidding! Though it’s kind of fun to see the kid’s faces when I say this). An old towel to drape around their neck works just fine.

2. If you’re doing this over the sink, CLOSE the drain! We learned this the hard way. It was my first time pulling, and when I saw blood, I flung the tooth, which ricocheted off the edge of the sink and the slippery sucker slithered down the drain. Cut to screams and cries, of “How will the tooth fairy know to come to my bed tonight!” “Ugh. Don’t worry, she’ll know” tooth fairy mumbled.

3. Cotton balls, or better yet, extra cotton rolls from the dentist. I used to stock up on these for my thriving practice.

4. Most of all, nothing hot or crunchy for at least an hour, or it might bleed again.

5. Finish with hugs and kisses.

Tooth Fairy business:

1. Must be done stealthily. Slip the money under the pillow while you tuck them into bed. The slip of one hand, while you deliver a hug with the other, works every time.

2. But just in case you forget (Tooth Fairies aren’t perfect) and your child is hysterical upon awakening when he realizes the Tooth Fairy didn’t deliver, tell him to search under the bed (“just in case it dropped”), while you offer to get a “flashlight” (quick dash for cash). Then sneak it under the covers while he’s hunting for money and cheer, “I found it sleepyhead!”

3. Preserve the myth at all times!

I used to think Brussels sprouts weren’t for the faint of heart because they were bitter. I just didn’t know how to cook them. Good news, I have discovered the world of roasting. And roasting, my cooking challenged friends, is the easiest thing you can do in the kitchen. Follow this easy recipe: After washing the Brussels sprouts, cut the them in half and toss them with olive oil, salt and pepper, (minced garlic is optional), and place them on a cookie sheet. Roast in the oven at 450 for about 20-25 minutes (check on them after 10 minutes), until they start to brown (longer if you like them crispy, yum).  If you like your veggies sweet, sprinkle with brown sugar or maple syrup before you roast. You will impress your friends and family with this one. And if I can do this, so can you.

*Adapted from The Barefoot Contessa

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After dinner we all like to curl up on the couch (or if we’re on vacation we pile on the bed) and watch TV. Mini-Me and I get sandwiched between Big Daddy and College Boy, (6’3 and 6’4), so it gets pretty cozy. After a few minutes of intense negotiations over what to watch (one wants a chick flick, the other an adventure) and who chose the movie last time, we all agree on a comedy.

Then we try to agree on the volume. I think everything is too loud (I’m not old, I just have supersonic hearing) and they think nothing is loud enough.

And this is how it goes night after night. Side by side, pressed against each other without the awkward boundaries of typical teens. It’s as if they’re little again. Laughing and carefree, giving a recap of the funniest lines while the movie is still playing. I notice we even cross our feet in the same direction.

The sheer delight of hearing belly laughs after months of an exhausting and stressful college application period, plus final exams, is a gift. Next year, Mini-Me will go off to college too. And having everyone under the same roof at the same time will be a rarity. Every moment becomes precious. Even when we’re arguing over the remote.

It is with great joy that we announce the launch of Carpool Goddess!

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I decided to take a walk down memory lane and pass a note (ah, write a letter) to my very first crush.  It was a special time in the world. He was blond, it was 3rd grade and you could still find Scooterpies in the market.

Dear Crush,

I’m the one you played tag and giggled with in the back of class.  The one you never really looked at-that way. Well, a couple of times you held my gaze longer than usual, but my friends said starring contests didn’t count. But they didn’t know what it’s like to be looked at by you. It was special.

I have a confession to make. Even though you borrowed my lunch money and never gave it back, I thought you were a total fox. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t string two sentences together (we didn’t really talk much anyway) and you repeated math. You were so cool.  Frankly, I think my parents were a little nervous. There was relief for them and grief for me, when you were held back a year.  Eventually, I moved on to fractions and easy word problems, so we lost touch.

Many years have passed and I don’t know what’s become of you.  I thought I might cyber stalk you, but I thought better. I’d rather remember you how you were then, wiry, lively, with a full head of hair chasing me on the playground and blowing bubbles in your milk; then maybe catch a glimpse of you now, bald and with a paunch.

We had some good times, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Hope you found someone you could chase, giggle and blow bubbles with. I know I did.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

XOXO

What’s your first crush story?